Wormwood Scrubs Tango

"I used to tramp the streets beneath the stars and knock off other geezers' cars. I used to flog 'em down the lane. I'd never 'eard of Wormwood Scrubs ..." And then it's down 'ill all the way for the poor old tea leaf in Spike Milligan's Wormwood Scrubs Tango. Produced by George Martin, no less, afore he got mixed up with those lads from Liverpool. Down 'ill for him too. Spike though. Never got The Goons, but grew up on his wartime memoirs and the various series of Q whatever on TV. My all time favourite joke comes from one of those. "Wanna buy some elephant powder?" "What for?" "To keep elephants away!" "You don't get elephants round 'ere!" "There you go then. Proves it works ..." Spike contributed another classic London song for our delight ... All together now ...

Geordie (London Bridge)

"As I rode over London Bridge one misty morning early I overheard a tender hearted girl plead for the life of Geordie ..." The folk song tradition, murder ballads, child ballads, and so on, I'm sure would be another rich source of London related songs. The rendition of Geordie by Shirley and Dolly Collins is a great example. Folk songs being folk songs, there are apparently many different versions of the Geordie tale, and only some of them have the London Bridge setting. Among those that use this version have been Joan Baez, and the Italian folk singer Fabrizio De Andre whose own songs would be sung by many including the very great Mina. Returning to our London theme and traditional folk songs, it's worth mentioning Shirley and Dolly's works also include Fair Maid of Islington ...

On London Bridge

"I bow my head in silent prayer. And thank Him for the love we share. He blessed the night we met in London town when London Bridge came tumbling down ..." sings the very great Jo Stafford in her 1956 recording of On London Bridge. Cor that old bridge must have been a cracking place for finding your soul mate. No wonder the Americans snapped it up. I have no idea of the story behind how Jo came to be singing about finding true love while walking over London Bridge. But then she could make anything sound magical. Including Autumn in New York, a little number which our American comrades will want to share.

London Bridge is falling down

"London Bridge is finally fallin' down. They packed it up and shipped it outta town ..." A nice what would have been topical reference in Bread's London Bridge from their debut LP. Now my definition of someone who loves their music is someone who can appreciate a bit of Bread with their hip hop and vice versa. So let's bring in Newtrament on this with one of the very earliest UK hip hop outings, and another way of reworking the London Bridge Is Falling Down theme. Newtrament was part of early hip hop Notting Hill/Ladbroke Grove b-boy pioneers Krew, along with Dizzy Heights. And this still sounds fantastic ...

London Bridge ... thrice

"And London Bridge is falling down but I still love this town. From the Tower to the Underground ..." sings the bard of Brixton on Big Audio Dynamite's London Bridge. Mick Jones introduces the theme of London Bridge falling down, alluding to the nursery rhyme kids all over the world learn almost by osmosis. It's a theme that also popped up in another scene from Lucy in London where apparently Lucille Ball and Anthony Newley were seen along by the river singing the nursery rhyme in a round with Pop Goes The Weasel. But can I find footage of this anywhere? Pah. And they say you can find anything on the 'net. So we'll have to console ourselves with ...

London Bridge ... twice

"And London Bridge is in the wrong place ..." The one that's in Arizona? The current London Bridge which was built in the early '70s? I suspect that line in Animals That Swim's London Bridge refers to Rennie's 19th century construction which I believe was built a little way upstream from where the old medieval bridge stood. I have to confess to being a relatively recent convert to the delights of Animals That Swim (thanks Alistair!). I completely missed them in the 1990s. There were many groups I studiously ignored in the 1990s. But I wasn't even aware Animals That Swim existed. My loss. They made some fantastic recordings, and there was a pungent London flavour to their work. The Tindersticks, on the other hand, was one of the groups I consciously avoided. My loss?

London Bridge ... once

"I stood alone beneath the dark and cloudy sky, and watched the river as it gently flowed on by. I saw my life unfold before me. It looked so sad and oh so lonely ..." Then suddenly on London Bridge Cilla Black fell on love, and she is now bemoaning the fact that London Bridge's been taken away. That's a reference to the bridge sinking beneath the weight of traffic and being dismantled and sold off to some businessman in Arizona in 1968. This London Bridge is a fantastic 1969 number written for Cilla by Clive Westlake, and 'er Bobby whom she married that year. Wasn't it the recording of Cilla's Work Is A Four Letter Word that split up The Smiths? Nice one. Personally I've never forgiven Cilla for when I was taken to see her at a very early age in panto (Aladdin, I think, with Roger Whittaker perhaps) and she came out on stage to say Liverpool were beating West Ham. How to endear yourself to a London audience in one easy lesson. That might have been about the same time this was recorded ...

Blackfriars Bridge

"To the north there lies the Temple and the Tower. The drudgeries and sanctuaries of power. I looked along the river to the shores of Silvertown. Putting up castles. What are they tearing down?" Blackfriars Bridge by The Men They Couldn't Hang starts with the bard starting out one spring morning for Blackfriars Bridge to watch the tide come in. It seems like one of those fascination/repulsion moments. Awe at what has been achieved, perhaps. Horror at the cost of achieving it. It's a theme continued on Rain, Steam and Speed where some would praise Brunel but others would damn him to hell for the human price paid in making his dreams come to life.

Traffic in Fleet Street

"St Paul's and I and the secretaries' lunchtime ..." Haircut 100 was always a great London group. The mix of suburban south London jazz funk and bohemian '60s/Postcard stylings hidden beneath goofy grins. Nick Heyward would go on to record some gorgeous London songs on his own. Traffic In Fleet Street is one of my particular favourite London themed songs, while the more prosaic titled London is just as lovely with its references to The Clash, The Jam, and his hometown hero Bowie. And possibly an oblique tip of the hat to Muriel Spark's A Far Cry From Kensington?

St Paul's Beneath A Sinking Sky

"London has been called the city of encounters; it is more than that, it is the city of resurrections ..." On the liner notes for the Strange Geometry set The Clintele use this quote from Arthur Machen. Over recent years The Clientele has been one of the brightest spots musically, and they've contributed some wonderful sense of London songs. St Paul's Beneath A Sinking Sky is an early example of the group's work, but shows even then they had that certain something about them. St Paul's is my favourite London landmark, and while entry is no longer free you can sneak into services and experience something special no matter what your religious views. It's got a sense of history too that building ...

EC4

"I bet the world is a different place on EC4 ..." The Flys' EC4 is a neat anti-media manipulation number. The EC (Eastern Central) postcode sequence covers what is known as the City of London. The EC4 area itself covers St Paul's, Blackfriars, the legal area of Temple, and Fleet Street, which was at the time of The Flys' song still the heart of newspaper land and where the views of the nation were supposedly shaped. The Flys are best known for Love And A Molotov Cocktail, one of the greatest singles of the punk era. One of the greatest singles of any era. EC4 is available on a great, expanded edition of the Waikiki Beach Refugees LP. It originally appeared as a b-side to Fun City ...

My Pervert Doppelganger

"He's taken a flat in Smithfields now. Where refrigerated lorries unload dead cows ..." In Momus' My Pervert Doppelganger he has a bit of bother with an imposter who sets himself up in a pad 'round Smithfield way, by the famous meat market, and indulges in a bit of identity theft. Taken from the Ping Pong set which Momus himself styled as futuristic vaudeville, it's genuinely amusing for some of the right reasons which may not always be the case with the man's work. It's also probably the only song that mentions Squarepusher and green tea in the same line. Sticking with the City references, Shoesize of the Angel from the same set has Momus accidentally missing someone on Threadneedle Street.

Crossing Newbury Street

"I recall crossing Newbury Street. Cutting corners and keeping everyone sweet ..." Right at the start of this project La Belle Dame Dusty 7s suggested Surf by Roddy Frame as one of the most Londonish records around. Quite right too. And Roddy's Crossing Newbury Street is a lovely Londonish song with a present and the past pleasantly disarranged theme. Though it remains unclear what Roddy was doing in the City. He does, however, have some previous when it comes to London related numbers, and this is a great one for howling along to when it comes on the radio ... Sing Michael sing.

Barbican

"The perverse possibilities of the Barbican. You could be invisible here. You can get a notion of floating above the city ..." The first time I visited the Barbican Centre in London, soon after it opened when it seemed wonderfully exotic, I remember getting hopelessly lost trying to follow the yellow lines along its walkways. So it always seemed appropriate that The Lines had a song called Barbican. It's easy to forget the song would have predated the Centre itself, so I'm guessing there's more of a nod towards the area's residential towers, and the perverse possibilities Saint Etienne refer to. The Etienne had a themed LP set around Turnpike House, a short walk from the Barbican, from which comes their greatest London song. No namedropping as per some of their more arch ways. Just a real sense of the city ...

Mr Commuter

"Up and down the London Wall. In the shadow of Guildhall. To the dear old lady of Threadneedle Street ..." Mike Proctor's Mr Commuter is a late '60s psychedelic dancefloor gem poking fun at the City clones, working their lives away, for what? Some neat City references too, and a mention of Luncheon Vouchers to jog our memories. Arranged and conducted by Len Beadle, I believe, says he trying to sound knowledgeable. Who could be the Len Beadle who co-wrote Beryl Marsden's What's She Got, another mod dancer. This selection comes courtesy of Andy Lewis, who will know a lot more about these things.

And Tomorrow the Stock Exchange Will Be The Human Race

"Join the legions of the rich. And the world will be ours. There is only one thing on earth worth dying for. Oh profit is the only thing worth dying for ..." Malcolm Eden of McCarthy's words to And Tomorrow The Stock Exchange Will Be The Human Race are a clever rewrite of The Internationale from a capitalist perspective. I wonder if anyone has dared take it at face value. Neo-conservatives aren't great at irony after all. On the same LP this came from (Banking, Violence & the Inner Life Today) McCarthy tackled a similar theme on The Drinking Song of the Merchant Bankers. I wonder if 20 years on Malcolm has allowed himself a wry smile about the lines: "Let's live for the day and let's not sweat. It's not time to commit suicide yet. Now what possibly could go wrong? What possibly could go wrong?" Quite. More cocktails here barmaid ...

Charterhouse

"My job is a cook and I do the books. I turn thieves into lords and kings into crooks ..." Of course villains come in all shapes and guises. The Wolfhounds' Charterhouse at the time of its release seemed to summon up the spirit of Ebeneezer Scrooge working his way up the ladder, creating mischief and misery with a stroke of a pen and a double entry here and there in the name of creative accounting. Now of course the financial follies of the City's financial zone have been exposed and we are paying the penalties for their incompetence and Charterhouse takes on new significance. "I just do my job". Ah the age old justification. Unlike the money men The Wolfhounds' work and Callahan's words improve with age.